It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
