I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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