Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
