thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
