I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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