My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
