i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
