so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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