It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
