I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
