I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
try to milk me bitch
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