So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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