Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
