WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
