i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
