I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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