There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
