I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
