just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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