Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
