My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
