Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
