I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
