She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
