I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
