The maid of honor just puked.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
