He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
