Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
