You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
