508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
