Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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