I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone signed my nipple.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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