He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
