We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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