Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
