oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I touched a dick in church today
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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