Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
