He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
