bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
