Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
