Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
