you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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