She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
