dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
