Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
