There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
