Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
