I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
