we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
