I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
