I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Terrible idea I love it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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